Well, after all the letters I’ve received asking where I was and why I kept disappearing, it is time to tell you guys all about what has been happening. Its time to reveal the secrets of some bad things I have been doing the last three months. I know that some of you might not like what you are about to read, but what can I do? I hate to lie and deny the truth.

After finding out about Tai’s drug problem, I went out to do some research in our city. In some ways, the drug situation is now worse. One of my friends told me that after the drug war had finally finished, selling drugs had become a very popular job. Although the selling price is now higher, the buying price is much lower. So, lots of people saw this as an opportunity to get rich quickly.

I soon learned that if you buy a lot in one go you can easily make more than a hundred baht profit per pill! For example: if you have 50 pills and you sold them all, you would get at least five thousand baht profit. By the way, just so you know, it only takes a friend of my friend two days at the most to sell 50 pills!

I have to admit that for a while back then, I was thinking about becoming a drug dealer. I know that is the stupidest idea ever, but I couldn’t help myself not to think about it. I was having a pretty rough time being responsible for everything. We had lost all of our savings, so I had to work hard to earn money to use for day-to-day things. I had to do all the chores around the house as well as looking after Tai. I was very tired and was really hoping that she was going to get well soon.

While I was cleaning the house, I accidentally found my bankbook, which I thought I had lost. Lucky or not, there was some money in there so I took all of it out and went to buy some drugs. But, as a former drug addict, having drugs on me wasn’t a good idea. The temptation, and the influence from the people I was hanging out with, was too much and I couldn’t stop myself from taking the drugs myself.

But that wasn’t the worst part. Tai soon found out about what I was doing. She tried to stop me but she couldn’t, and finally we both ended up taking drugs together. Since that day, our lives started to go down hill fast. We had to pawn things belonging to Tai’s mother and brother and we borrowed money from people we knew.

Finally, Tai’s parents found out about us taking drugs. They said they had been suspicious for a while and now they were sure about it. After that day, Tai was sent away to her grandmother’s house in a province somewhere down near the border with Cambodia.

I was really scared. I told you before that Tai’s dad is a policeman! I was thinking that he was going to put me in jail! But luckily they pitied me and let me stay at the house while Tai was away. I really regretted about what I had done. Since Tai had gone away, I made myself quit drugs and started working again.

It wasn’t easy at all. I was all alone. I missed Tai and most of all I missed my baby daughter. My parents had taken Grace away two months before to go and live with them. They said we couldn’t be trusted to look after her. After I was clean from drugs, Tai came back, and we both swore that we would not get involved with drugs ever again. What we have to work on now is finding a way to get Grace back. It will take time to gain my parents’ trust. But I must do it. I cannot live without my darling Grace.